sex beore mariage,right or wrong?

Share ur ideas about sex before mariage ,and if yes or no tell uss why

This is kind of a painfull subject.
But I guess we all agree with the statement:
Without love, sex is a no-go. Which means: wrong.

Now, define love at the age of 17...

for me its not a problem
if there is love

I personally see sex in different levels, there is

a)'masturbating your partner'
b)'orally satisfying'
c) ofcourse 'the real deal'

The last one is something I won't be doing before I'm married,
both other items are things you have to discuss with your partner.
Especially with the 'will you manually satisfy'-part I don't have any problems.
The other one can be a bit tricky, depends I guess.

It has everything to do with good communication.
And ofcourse love.

Well...I have to say that im realy proud of the way you guys think...and matt i respect what u sed...

I'm against it for myself anyway, I don't want to kiss intimately before marriage. I prefer building up a great bond, to know that you fit with each other, which is the opposite of most marriages today, which exist of about 90% sex and 10% the rest. Is it logical that 50% of the marriages fail?

I find the inner click much more important than sex. And when you've built that up, you get married to show that you belong to each other, not that you've grown to each other psysically but in mind and spirit.


I have no problems talking about this, anyway.

do you think kissing intimately will hold you back from building up a great bond ?

No but we're all humans with human feelings. It's all about self protection

valid point
and I repsect that.
but yeah, we're obviously different xD

Imo, like said before, love is the most important factor. When one has sex before marriadge it's not horrible, but it has to be in a relationship in which you're rather close already. Not after a few weeks, or just 'for fun' when you don't have a relationship with the possibility of marriadge. When you don't think you'll marry the other one one day, you're also not ought to have sex.

Sex is not something you do to show someone that you love them, commitment is. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, then you should love them enough to marry them. If not, then it isn't love, no matter how you try to rationalize it to yourself. Those who lack the discipline to wait until marriage are not mature enough to be married, or worse yet, responsible enough to be parents should the female become accidentally pregnant. There is a reason why the Bible promotes sexually purity before marriage. I know it can be difficult, but you owe it to yourself to find someone who loves you enough to wait.

When you watch pornos, can say that this is right?
For myself not.
Sex is part of marriage.
Nothing else.

Porn is nothing more then being disrespectful towards a female human.
They are not 'something' which can be 'enjoyed' by pathetic movies on the internet.

disrespectful towards both men and women,
I know the majority is indeed female, but let's not forget that there are guys too.

But porn is a whole other subject.

Belizaire the Black wrote:

Sex is not something you do to show someone that you love them, commitment is. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, then you should love them enough to marry them. If not, then it isn't love, no matter how you try to rationalize it to yourself. Those who lack the discipline to wait until marriage are not mature enough to be married, or worse yet, responsible enough to be parents should the female become accidentally pregnant. There is a reason why the Bible promotes sexually purity before marriage. I know it can be difficult, but you owe it to yourself to find someone who loves you enough to wait.

+ 2

Nora wrote:

Belizaire the Black wrote:

Sex is not something you do to show someone that you love them, commitment is. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, then you should love them enough to marry them. If not, then it isn't love, no matter how you try to rationalize it to yourself. Those who lack the discipline to wait until marriage are not mature enough to be married, or worse yet, responsible enough to be parents should the female become accidentally pregnant. There is a reason why the Bible promotes sexually purity before marriage. I know it can be difficult, but you owe it to yourself to find someone who loves you enough to wait.

+ 2

Err...+2? Plus two what?

You have to forgive Nora, she's weird sometimes. Maybe she meant plus 2 cookies or something, who knows!

Me likes cookies!

LOL, no I meant you couldn't have said it better

Thanks Lance

Nora wrote:

LOL, no I meant you couldn't have said it better

Thanks Lance

Oh, well thank you.

Belizaire the Black wrote:

Sex is not something you do to show someone that you love them, commitment is. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, then you should love them enough to marry them. If not, then it isn't love, no matter how you try to rationalize it to yourself. Those who lack the discipline to wait until marriage are not mature enough to be married, or worse yet, responsible enough to be parents should the female become accidentally pregnant. There is a reason why the Bible promotes sexually purity before marriage. I know it can be difficult, but you owe it to yourself to find someone who loves you enough to wait.

I didn't mean that sex is a way to show love. Love is the main reason for sex. Without love, not marriadge. So, without love, no sex. When you love one enough to get married, off course it's best to get married before having sex. And indeed, when you're getting married in *a month, a year* it's best to wait. But when you love each other to get married, and you have planned indeed to get married, sex before the actual signing of the paper isn't horrible.
I like the way our pastor mentioned this: Biblically seen, the deed of sex is the real marriadge. The moment you've had sex, you're married in the eyes of God. Signing is an earthly formality, to show the people you're married, sex is the commitment God gave us before man knew how to write official papers. Which means, as you mentioned, that when you're not ready for marriadge, you're also not ready for sex.

the problems with sex before marraige

feelings do not equate love

the way that guys and girls view sex are different,

guys are willing to say they love someone to get sex... maybe even mean it in the heat of the moment, but do not have the ability to keep a relationship based on a few good feelings alive with any longevity once commitment gets involved.

Girls are willing to give sex to recieve love, there is a common misconception that if they give the guy what he wants (and dont get me wrong i know women want sex too) they will get the devotion they long for.

The more sexual partners that someone has in life, the more 'stuff' they bring into the bedroom. There are expectations, comparisons, regrets and longings to experiance something they have been denied. etc etc... Previous physical relationships based on feelings and lust will cause love to become a tainted thing, where as true love, and waiting to make sure its more than just a feeling do not complicate or taint it.
also note, that if people love each other, they do not go into marriage willing to be just a selfish sexual partner... so a test drive (as i have heard it referred too before) is not necessarily needed. A selfish person will change if they realize that they are not fulfilling thier loved ones needs/desires.

Sex with more than one partner in life can bring some unwanted results, such as children, abortion, unwanted pregnancy, a tainted reputation, minor stds like chlomedia or major std's like Herpes to the massively destructive HIV virus.

Our views on sexuality and the physical act of sex are twisted by many things, our hormones that are pumping inside of us, telivision and media, peer pressure, our upbringing, our core values etc.
sometimes we are not mature enough to make real decisions, and sometimes we fail to plan ahead nad end up ruining our lives becuase of improper decisions based on too little information.

sure marriage is just a piece of paper. (I have one someplace) but the commitment behind that, the vows taken before God, they help me when I am frustrated with my life and not on the same page as my wife. they help me too stay in check and work thru my feelings and care for my wifes feelings.

I was sexually active before marriage, and it has caused problems in my life.

I hear what you mean, allthou I still think the piece of paper isn't all - it's like you said, the vows behind it make it important. With that, what you do with that vows makes the piece of paper legal or not. People can be married paper inclusive, and still not love each other more than people who live together and are not married.

For example... I've two cousins of around 30 yrs. The one is not married, he lives together with is partner, but they've signed several contracts, which means that their legally more bound to each other than with marriadge. Their children have his name, and when they'd split up, he remains the father legally seen. Btw, splitting up is also harder than with 'real' marriadge. It's way more expensive than marriadge. etc. etc. Just that they're not married as in married, doesn't mean they don't have a strong bond between each other.
Then there's my other cousin. He's married, in secret, while only his brother knew (they're sons each of another uncle btw...) since he needed a first man. My uncle worked only a couple of rooms further, and he didn't know. They díd have sex before marriadge btw, she was pregnant, and guess what... he didn't want to make the expences my other cousin made, so went cheap and married anyway.

Which bond is stronger do you think? The one of the person who made every effort and expence but isn't married, or the one of the person who is married to save the costs?

I think your just looking for a loophole. i would say that both were done in sin and wrong.
ha ha...
I will say this though. if we care what the bible says, then there is the aspect of doing what is legal too..

^^ haha, it isn't that bad. I'm still virgin, you know (do we want to know? ) But I want to keep the discussion a little alive...

And I still think that there's a difference between marriadge like in the bible, and the little paper we know today. At least, when you're only taking the official papers into account. What makes a marriage important, is the blessing ceremony, it has to be blessed by God. Or else it's not more than a paper with an autograph.